From Erudite to Crazy

And then I received this response from the guy below. I don't like him as much any longer...

I do sincierely apologise for not having paid sufficient attention to the true nature of your recruitment policie. As a liberated freelancer, I generically respond to adverts beliving to honesty as the key arbiter making my world go round. Frankly if you chose the title of your job description as " mercinaries wanted ", then I truly wouldn't have responded. From my perspective, I wouldn't even wish to be American citizen. A nation living under constant fear of death. Gun culture is prevalent as every adult American lives with the ominous shaddow of being gunned down by the person next to him. For all the wealth in the world, when you feel insecure, you don't live. I do genuinely feel sorry for the ordinary Americans, they are suffering just because some gangsters believe in fire powers for ruling the world including Americans.

kind regards.

Purple prose much?

This is the most erudite response to an email I have ever received. I posted a job for interpreters/translators that requires US citizenship and this was one reply...

I was convinced the merit of eligibility for cooperation was based on the generic applications of our knowledge apptitudes not the obsolete notion of geographical boundaries unless of course such ominous constraints were imposed by government regulations. Plus this is an international platform encouraging shared universal values as the paramount arbiters.

Let's hope for the more integrated future cooperations.

Wow. I know me some big words and syntax, but I certainly don't know big words like that in a second language!

Mon Chou's Peanut Butter Cookies (that really taste like peanut butter!)

If you remember Trippy from my trip to Paris in 2008, these cookies are courtesy of her. They are called Mon Chou Peanut Butter cookies because, while in Paris, we learned that “mon chou” is an endearment that literally translates to “my cabbage” and we decided that was the best pet name ever.

Now, please beware – these PB cookies honestly taste like peanut butter. They aren’t those thin, crunchy ones that you get at Subway. I don’t like those. However, I will eat these till I get sick.

Trippy, if you read this, I’ve modified the recipe a bit, but I hope it made them even better!

Ingredients:
1 (18.5-oz.) pkg. yellow cake mix
1 cup (or more) creamy peanut butter
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 glop of sweetened condensed milk (I glop in about 1/3 of the can but don’t actually measure it)
2 eggs
2 tablespoons water
½ (or a whole) bag Reese’s peanut butter chips
I’ve also been known to add chocolate chips or actual chunks of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Saucer/bowl of white sugar (I don’t do this, but Trippy likes ‘em this way)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350ºF. Using mixer on low to medium speed, mix peanut butter, oil, eggs, s/c milk and water until blended. Add in cake mix and continue mixing. Once well blended, using spatula, fold in Reese’s chips. Make 1” balls and roll lightly in sugar. Place on ungreased cookie sheet. If you want, slightly flatten with fork in crisscross pattern (I tend to do some this way and some not) or flatten a little with the palm of your hand. Bake for 11-13 minutes or until golden brown and kind of cracked on top (you know how cookie stuff sometimes does this). Cool on sheet for a couple minutes to harden then move to rack to completely cool.

Silly, silly people who want jobs - Round Two

Can you submit my resume as is, in place of filling out the other template?It might take me a day or so to fill out the other template.

Sure, I can do that. I have nothing better to do during my workday than to reformat your resume for a job that you want.

Email addresses: meluv2fuc and xxxrated.infamous

Really? That’s the email you use for professional correspondence?

Responsibilities: Manage the daily activities of 11 former SOF operators with a lot of personality. If you are a dynamic, out of the box thinker with really strong leadership skills balanced by a level of tolerance for the mundane I am interested in your skill sets.

“A lot of personality” was my favorite line in this job ad. And it's so very accurate.

I appreciate,and accept,but am obliged toshare that if my Bulgarian is on the needed level,same is on my sincere view to level of responsibility,probably not as I am accustomed to duties.....You may even a s t h o n i s h some how,but better so!!!,then later...Certainly prefer no to take responsibility for others....In any case some workable interview in s i t u...c o u l,d avoid my excessive critical attitude against my self...

Non-native speakers of English who use Google to translate their emails are my favoritist!

One candidate was awarded an...
• Army Accomendation Medal

Not an Army Achievement Medal (AAM) and not an Army Commendation Medal (ARCOM), but apparently a mixture of the two

And lastly...

If you write a bestselling book in which you tell the world how much you hate the Iraqis and don’t care whether they live or die, don’t then turn around and apply for a job in Iraq and send me a resume that promotes your “I hate Iraqis” book because I’m probably not going to be real keen on hiring you for a position where you will be working with and around people for whom you hold absolutely no regard or empathy.

How to Glue Your Dog's Ears Together (Trial and Error Method)

1. Read the flyer that came with your new puppy describing how to glue his ears up if it seems they are not standing on their own by around ten or eleven weeks of age.

2. Gaze fondly upon the cute little puppy in the photo on the flyer who poses so nicely with his ears glued.

3. Walk to the drugstore across the street and pick up some treats that look like they will take awhile to chew through and some fabric glue.

4. Back at home, lure the puppy to you with a long lasting treat, then, when he's in mastication heaven, sit down beside him and delicately yet surgically place drops of fabric glue on the inside edges of his ears.

5. Realize there may be more than one reason that you're not a surgeon.

6. Smoosh the gluey ears together until he finishes the not-so-long-lasting-as-you-had-hoped treat.

7. Watch the puppy get up and wander off shaking his head, thus deconnecting his ears and smearing more glue on his head.

8. Disheartened, go to bed thinking about what an awful dog mom you are with a gluey-headed and floppy-eared Shepherd.

9. Wake up the next morning with a new zeal for life and fabric glue.

10. Spend fifteen minutes sitting on the floor at Jo-Ann fabrics combing intently through the glue section to find the perfect adhesive - quick drying and non-toxic.'

11. Enter the house with a purpose, knowing that you will succeed this time, because giver-uppers never win.

12. Sit down on the kitchen floor with a bowl of puppy chow, the not-so-long-lasting treat bag and two more longer-lasting treats.

13. Constantly push away the big red dog that wants to know why the new puppy that annoys him gets all the treats.

14. Unsurgically dot the puppy's ears with glue again and learn that it really is quick-drying as you stick your fingers to themselves and the puppy.

15. Hold the puppy's ears together.

16. Shove a treat in his face when he finishes the bowl of food.

17. Hold the puppy's ears together.

18. Make sure the treat doesn't get out of mouth reach so the puppy doesn't have to get up and follow his treat.

19. Hold his ears together.

20. Repeat this process through two more treats, giving in enough to give the big red dog another treat because, really, it does seem mean.

21. When you've come to the crossroad of "give another treat and possibly make my puppy obese and give him a poopy butt" and "release him and pray to Anubis that his ears stay together," make the choice that best fits your personality.

22. When you've released him and he begins to do nothing but scratch at his ears and shake his head, immediately decide that you need to take him on a long walk.

23. Ignore the fact that you are only in flip flops.

24. Quickly cinch him into his harness and pull him out the door for an exciting walk that will prevent him from scratching his ears and hopefully tire him out enough that he will pass out when you get home, thus yet preventing ear scratching even longer.

25. Walk all over the damn neighboorhood as the sun goes down.

26. Meet a nice old gentleman who is the first to recognize the admittedly un-Shepherd-looking puppy as a Shepherd.

27. Realize you forgot to bring any bags when he stops to poop in someone's yard.

28. Wait for him to finish, looking around furtively and hoping no one notices that you're an irresponsible dog owner.

29. Get him back to the house and immediately put him in the car to go back and clean up after him because you really are not an irresponsible dog owner, you were just in a hurry and he never goes potty in anyone else's yard anyway!

30. Put him in his crate because even though it's only 8:30 and not bedtime yet, you hope he'll go to sleep and forget about his ears.

31. Take pictures of him sleeping sprawled out and trying to get cool.

32. Do some chores in the bedroom then lay down to read before going to sleep.

33. Remind yourself not to walk two miles in flippy-floppies when your feet and calves start to cramp so badly that you have to get up and walk around.

34. Remind yourself of this four more times. Ow, ow ow!

35. Wake up in the morning amazed that his ears are still stuck togther and hope you don't have to do this all over again.

Frozen Semen For Sale - NOT SPAM!

So with this new puppy, I'm now on a couple Yahoo groups dealing with Shiloh Shepherds. For the most part, it's people talking about new litters of puppies, dog shows, stuff like that.

Today I received a message titled, "So-and-so-Breeder of This-n-that-Kennel offering frozen semen for sale."

As I often get spam emails titled "Obama's anal virginity" or "pile drive her ham wallet," this message was initially disconcerting.

But apparently it's legit. And you can buy a vial of frozen dog semen for the low, low price of only $1500. But wait, act now, and you'll receive two vials for the price of one! (Just pay shipping and handling on the second vial of dog spooge.)

We gots our new puppy!

The new puppy arrived on Saturday evening - a day early!

Pirate had duty on Friday night, so he was awake from Friday morning at 5:30am when he got up to go workout till 9:30am Saturday morning when he got off duty and got home. We spent the day in Syracuse test driving cars and having lunch at IHOP, which meant he only slept for an hour on the drive down there and an hour on the drive back. I was pretty sleepy myself on the way back up, so I laid down with him to take a nap when we got home. The doorbell rang a little later and Wendy, our fantastic breeder, was on the doorstep asking if we wanted the little guy a day early. She and her husband had driven eight hours from western Ontario (near Detroit) and were excited to have a road trip to themselves without their three kids.

She had tried to call me several times to let us know they were on their way, but my sleepy self never heard the phone ring!

Max was exactly eight weeks old on Saturday and already weighs 20 pounds. He's a big fluffball of grey fur and sharp little puppy teeth and claws. Shisma is highly displeased with the new addition and lets Max know whenever the puppy is "too close" by barking, growling, or just groaning when we've told him to stop growling. Max seems to be as smart as people have told us Shilohs are - he figured out his name in about 12 hours and is quickly learning "no." He at least doesn't chew on the same item after he's been scolded the first time. Well, other than us. He still chews on us no matter how often we say "no bite!" And being banned from one table leg doesn't necessarily exclude all table legs in his doggy mind. But we're getting there. He also does great on the leash already - we paraded him around Petco yesterday and he didn't once try to back out of his collar or drag us anywhere.

Saturday night was the first test - I used baby gates and furniture to block him and Shisma into a corner where they could sleep in our room. The point was to keep the puppy contained so if he pottied we at least didn't have to look all over the place for it. Max decided he didn't want to be locked in with that crabby dog that keeps groaning at him, so he shimmied under the bed and used his hard head to shove big Rubbermaid storage boxes full of clothes out of the way so he could wiggle through the maze and out of his cage.

Pirate sat up in bed, looked over the footboard, and announced at 12:30am, "He Steve McQueen'ed it."

Max was very proud of himself and his fluffy little butt wiggled at full speed.

Next we rearranged it so that he couldn't get under the bed at all. It took him a few tries, but he finally ended up climbing the baby gate like a ladder and falling face first onto the floor. At that point, it seemed easier to keep Shisma locked in his bed, where he was happy and puppyless, and Max on the hardwood where he could move around and find cool spots all night long. No accidents when he woke us up at 6am!

The crate we ordered should arrive today or tomorrow, so we'll see how that works out. I foresee lots of wailing after a couple nights free.